Poke Soul
COMMON!!! We need to Catch em all!!!
Log in

I forgot my password

Latest topics
» Pirates Of Sound
Thu Dec 19, 2013 11:35 am by 

» Stag Book Font
Thu Dec 19, 2013 11:34 am by 

» Stag Book Font
Thu Dec 19, 2013 11:33 am by 

» Orcad 9.1 Software Free Download For Windows 7 32bit Wi...
Thu Dec 19, 2013 5:17 am by 

» Orcad 9.1 Software Free Download For Windows 7 32bit Wi...
Thu Dec 19, 2013 5:16 am by 

» Tvgenial 5.0 Premim
Thu Dec 19, 2013 4:47 am by 

» Arriving at Tohjo
Wed Apr 18, 2012 10:24 pm by Lanaught

» My character Sheet
Wed Apr 18, 2012 9:33 pm by ReploidZero

» my sheet.........
Sun Apr 15, 2012 6:44 pm by ReploidZero

» The Troublesome Sleeper and the Fury of Horus!
Sat Apr 14, 2012 6:07 pm by Axel

Top posting users this month


my sheet.........

View previous topic View next topic Go down

my sheet.........

Post by drakialon on Thu Apr 12, 2012 11:01 pm

Aliases/ Nicknames:Blood red (for my headband) . We need an actual name to call him, you know. We can't have any nameless characters running around...
Sexuality:straight
Age:14
Hometown:Pallet town
Family: my mother was killed by my father so I isolated myself from the world. Shedding my skin. Leaving behind everything and became reborn one might say. I ran away from my old life to go to the pokemon league with a Bulbasaur. That i knew i had seen when i was younger.This pokemon protected me when my dad got so angry and attacked me. Might need a little bit more work here, and not just with grammar and capitalizing and that kind of thing. You might also want to describe his parents, how he met Saur in the first place, that kind of thing.
Physical Description: fairly strong and wearing a white gi 5'9, black hair, and wearing a headband stained with blood (this headband was not really stained with blood from my mother but was merely the grief over himself of not protecting his mother) Much better than the original, although I question why a 14 year old kid is running around the world, which yes, does have a police force, with a blood-stained headband... Just my thoughts.
Additional Information: I take my journey slowly but i train as hard as I can. I wear and a 40 pound weight vest that is adjustable sometimes during my journey. Okay, this looks pretty good, up until the 40 pound vest thing. Trust me, a 5, 10, maybe 15 pound vest would be far more believable for a fourteen year old to wear, and only rarely at that. Maybe if he wanted to make his workouts more 'extreme'.
Inventory: poke ball x5 potion x1
Rank:trainer
Badges:
Ribbons: Personality: Quiet and sometimes smart when it comes to battle in a desperate situation.He is loyal to his one master his sensei. Quiet and only sometimes smart? Quiet and smart will work better, believe me. Also, perhaps you should tell us things like what makes him angry, is he defensive of his friends, disloyal, aloof... Stuff like that.
History:I have trained since i was 7 in karate in order to protect my mother. Who had released her pokemon. I didn't have time for much else since my mother was always attacked by my father who was angry over many things and took it out on her. This was traumatic for me which made me this way.The sad part about all this is the police force was never with us since we lived 100 miles form civilization and we had no phone service. Why was his mother always attacked? Why did he have to defend her? Did she not have any Pokemon of her own? Was his father always drunk, and an angry drunk at that? If he was, why? You need to ask yourself these questions, otherwise you will wind up with a character who isn't defined. A character who isn't really a character.
------------------------------------------------
Pokemon #1 (Saur) (male):
Moves:vine whip, sleep powder

Pokemon #2 (nickname?) (Gender):
Moves:

Pokemon #3 (nickname?) (Gender):
Moves:

Pokemon #4 (nickname?) (Gender):
Moves:

Pokemon #5 (nickname?) (Gender):
Moves:

Pokemon #6 (nickname?) (Gender):
Moves:

PC Pokemon:

------------------------------------------------
Special ability: my mindset switches to a strategic mode during a desperate situation. Ahahahahahahaha... Get your Ranma 1/2 references out of here. But no really. Despite Pokemon being anime, the people in Pokemon are at least for the most part realistic.
motto: Charmanders are red, Squirtles are blue.If you were a pokemon, I would still choose you.You’re super effective to me, like fire against grass.If you walked past me, I still wouldn’t let you pass.Your affection is stronger than a full-blast beam.Like Jessie and James, we’d make the perfect team.I’ll stay by your side, like Pikachu and Ash.I’ll love you more than a level 90 Rapidash.You’re more legendary than a zapdos, entei, or mew.And out of all the pokemon, I choose you! Cute. Keep it.


-Love, Axel


Last edited by drakialon on Sun Apr 15, 2012 9:11 pm; edited 11 times in total (Reason for editing : To assist in the creation of a better character.)

drakialon

Posts : 2
Join date : 2012-04-12

Trainer Sheet
Name:
Type of Trainer:
Badges Earned:
0/0  (0/0)

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: my sheet.........

Post by ReploidZero on Thu Apr 12, 2012 11:13 pm

Erm...well how can I say this...you might want to use the template for this first to make it look nicer,might want to be a little more descriptive and you may want to use puncuation.
avatar
ReploidZero
Admin

Posts : 107
Join date : 2011-11-23
Age : 25
Location : Training my Pokemon

Trainer Sheet
Name: Zero Kanzaki
Type of Trainer: Pokemon Trainer
Badges Earned:
0/12  (0/12)

View user profile http://pokesoul.forumotion.com

Back to top Go down

Re: my sheet.........

Post by Axel on Thu Apr 12, 2012 11:55 pm

For the purposes of learning and my own... I don't even know any more, this post will use quotations directly from the sheet.

Aliases/ Nicknames:martial dew

Okay, first off. Names are proper nouns. Proper nouns get capitalized. Second, and less pressing... Martial is not a name, as far as I am aware. Marshall is, however, and, phonetically, is the same.

Sex:male
Sexuality: straight
Age:14

Perfectly fine, despite lacking in capitalization again. Also spacing.

hometown:pallet town

Proper nouns again. Also, as a section in the sheet, hometown should be capitalized, which wouldn't be a problem if you directly copied the actual, acceptable sheet.

Family:none of your business

When I went to quote this, my spellcheck deleted your spelling of 'business', so spelling is something to work on too. Also, this actually is our business. Please remember that.

Physical Description: fairly strong and wearing a white g

Okay, so I know he is fairly strong and wears a white 'G'. Is he a shorter kid with red hair, sideburns, and seems to have a twitch in one eye? Is he black-haired, missing his left eye, and scarred all over? Dies he smirk a lot, or show off his pearly whites? You need to actually describe your character here, so we can get a mental image of him.

i Additional Information: i like to Sleep

I enjoy sleeping too. It's actually necessary for our survival! Also, what's with that random 'i'? Easily solved by using the official sheet.

Inventory: poke ball x5 potion x1 rank:trainer
badges:
ribbons:

Nothing much to say here...

personality: cocky and quiet

As some can tell you, I hate this section of every sheet. Nonetheless, 'cocky and quiet' is not only a really bad description, its also a little bit of an oxymoron. Sure, one can be self-confident and still be rather quiet, but, more often than not, cocky people are loud and proud.

history:I have trained since i was 7 in karate.

... So, he's basically done nothing up until this point, other than take karate lessons? Did he have any interests growing up? Comics he read, maybe Trainers he looked up to on TV? Essentially, you need to tell us what he has done up until this point in his life, in summary.

pokemon: bulbasaur, saur, male, moves: vine whip and sleep powder

Fine, I suppose... Although you just don't like the whole capitalizing thing, do you?

special ability: I turn into a piglet when splashed with water.

Ahahahahaha... Clever reference, but... No. Just. No. Psychics exist in Pokemon, yes. People who transform into Pokemon, let alone Earth animals? No.

motto: well i do GOTTA CATCH EM ALL!!!! now don't i?

Overused, but fine. Also, it seems we found all your capital letters...


Just my own judgement upon this sheet. Sorry for any harshness you might conceive, but I honestly just want to help. That's why I'm a moderator here, after all.

_________________
Current Team

Cyrus (Nidoran♂)
Double Kick, Toxic Spikes

Horus (Scyther)
Swords Dance, Wing Attack, Pursuit
avatar
Axel
Moderator

Posts : 68
Join date : 2011-11-26

Trainer Sheet
Name: Axel
Type of Trainer: Insane Strategist
Badges Earned:
0/0  (0/0)

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: my sheet.........

Post by drakialon on Sat Apr 14, 2012 8:34 pm

oh and your question about why he is running around the world is answered in the history he didn't know what to do with his rage so he went to the pokemon league

drakialon

Posts : 2
Join date : 2012-04-12

Trainer Sheet
Name:
Type of Trainer:
Badges Earned:
0/0  (0/0)

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: my sheet.........

Post by Axel on Sat Apr 14, 2012 11:50 pm

You misinterpret the question. It's a fine goal... I was asking about the bloody headband. Has he never washed it? Why is it bloody? If it's bloody, why haven't the police stopped him on the street, maybe ask him about the headband? Remember, despite being fairly anime style here, people are still people, rules are still rules, and blood on your clothing will be questioned.

Also, people go to jail if they kill people in such a direct manner, or they'd try to kill witnesses nearby. Even in self-defense, your character would go to jail for killing his father, and of he didn't, his father would either kill him or go to jail himself.

_________________
Current Team

Cyrus (Nidoran♂)
Double Kick, Toxic Spikes

Horus (Scyther)
Swords Dance, Wing Attack, Pursuit
avatar
Axel
Moderator

Posts : 68
Join date : 2011-11-26

Trainer Sheet
Name: Axel
Type of Trainer: Insane Strategist
Badges Earned:
0/0  (0/0)

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: my sheet.........

Post by ReploidZero on Sun Apr 15, 2012 6:44 pm

Well it's starting to look better than before...but I'd have to agree with Axel...a bloody bandana would be rather suspicious.
avatar
ReploidZero
Admin

Posts : 107
Join date : 2011-11-23
Age : 25
Location : Training my Pokemon

Trainer Sheet
Name: Zero Kanzaki
Type of Trainer: Pokemon Trainer
Badges Earned:
0/12  (0/12)

View user profile http://pokesoul.forumotion.com

Back to top Go down

Re: my sheet.........

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum